Jul 15, 2011

You can't make a man change

May 29, 2010, my husband broke his ankle.  It was an accident, but I can remember feeling anger towards him by July.  He was the only one bringing in a consistent paycheck when he injured himself.  He couldn't work because he is an auto technician and we couldn't afford to pay our insurance.  To say we had a small financial problem would be like saying United States has a little debt problem.

I was fed up with the money problems.  I am a professional genealogist and get a few jobs here and there.  I also have book royalties from my genealogy book that was published.  My money is pennies compared to his paycheck though.

Anyway, we got into one of the heart wrenching arguments married couples that are under stress can get into.  I can't remember what the fight is now, over a year later, but I can remember feeling like I couldn't take the arguments anymore.  I moved out.  I was a mess.  I couldn't talk without crying.  I felt huge amounts of guilt for how I had just treated the man that I had been married to for 11 years.

Our wedding day
My mother pulled out our wedding picture and asked what I thought.  I can remember at the exact moment seeing how happy I was.  He was happy in the picture.  I can remember how I was so excited to start our life of marriage together.  That picture changed my life.

I decided the next day to try to be nice to him.  He had evidently decided the same thing.  Little by little we apologized.  Little by little we fell back in love.  Falling out of love isn't an overnight thing.  It is little mean things couples say to each other.  It is taking each other for granted when we should be thanking God for bringing a wonderful person into our lives.  Some marriages are salvageable. 

I decided when I didn't want to move out permanently that I had to be the one changing.  My husband was worth the extra effort.  He had allowed me to stay home to take care of our son.  He allowed me thousands of hours at the courthouse over the years to make extra money and spend time getting a book ready.  He sacrificed his happiness by working in a place that doesn't appreciate him and puts him down all the time.  I had to find the good in the man I married. 
May 2011

It has been a year since I left.  I look at my husband completely different than I did last year.  He has changed for the better, but I couldn't make him.  I had to change myself.  I had to start making him feel like he was the most important man in the world.  When I felt like talking poorly about him to other people, I remembered that I didn't want people to think poorly of my husband.

The only person you can change is you.  If you are in a bad marriage and want to save it, look at your wedding picture.  What were you feeling that day?  Do little things to make your spouse feel better about him/herself.  You never know what tomorrow holds, so you have to make your life better because perhaps no one will.  If you are in a great marriage, I hope it continues to be a great marriage.

Do you want to follow me on twitter or facebook to see what else I have to change.  I also let you know when I update my blog with a new post.  I would love to hear how you have made yourself better or any tips you have for anyone else.  Also, if you would like to share this with anyone else, the share buttons are below.  The Google + button is for letting other people and Google know this is good content.


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