Oct 5, 2010

I am a woman who couldn't have a second baby.

This is one of the post that is hard to write, because it brings back years of heart ache, but I know I am not the only woman in the world that has had one child and couldn't have another.  Yes, we are very lucky to have one child, but the world doesn't seem to understand that we yearn to have another person to nurture and love.

I got pregnant before I married.  In a matter-of-fact, I was pregnant within a week of meeting my boyfriend.  We were engaged within three days and have been married for 11 years.  I didn't have a problem getting pregnant--the first time.  The pregnancy went well, as did the labor.   I took birth control for three months, then other forms of contraceptives for another 3 months, then we started trying.  And trying.  AND TRYING.  Eleven years later, I am still raising an only child.

I was the woman who would cry when my friends told her they were expecting.  "Why," I thought, "can she have a baby and I can't.  It isn't fair!"  Baby showers were painful.  I didn't feel like being happy for them.  I know how selfish that sounds.  But it is the truth.

I love my son.  He brings me so much joy.  I started dwelling on the fact that I had one child to love, instead of wishing for another child.  One of my friends couldn't have a biological child, so she adopted.  What a wonderful way to be able to nurture a child!  

Within the past year, my son told me it wouldn't be fair to have another baby.  Why?  Because there is no way I could love that baby as much as I love him!  Now there is a backwards compliment if I have ever heard one. 

Eleven years later, I am over the hurt and frustration of not having another child.  My life is full of love and happiness.  My son can cook, clean and tell me what's going on?  Yes, mothers who have multiple children are lucky, but so are those of us that were able to have one.  Mothers who adopt are lucky to get to share their love!   Now what makes my heart ache are those women who cannot have babies and aren't able to adopt.  Every woman has a painful story.  I just hope that we can help one lady at a time enjoy her life and find happiness.


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