May 14, 2010

I planned on more children

I have a 10 year old son, he will be 11 on the 29th of May.  About 10 years ago, I would have never planned on still only having one child.  M's conception was quick, less than a month to be exact.  Then we casually tried because M came so easily.  By the time we were fully confident of wanting another child, we really tried.  But nothing happened.

I was the woman that would go home and cry when one of my friends told me she was pregnant.  Yes, I was VERY happy for her, but I was mourning because I wanted another baby so much. About the time M turned 9, I told my husband "I don't want anymore babies." It would be so hard to start over, but then I think I must be selfish if I think that way. I come from a family with 5 siblings.  I LOVED coming from a large family.  We were best friends.  Some people think that is why I only had one child.  If I had my choice, I would have had 3 children about 3 years apart.

I have a successful family history research business, had my book published and M can take care of himself for the most part.  Yes, I even let M go to the park by himself, and if he wants to cross a street ahead of me, he knows to look both ways.

But then there are still those times when the doctor asks me "Is there any chance you are pregnant?"
I think, "If you are asking if I have unprotected sex since my last menstrual cycle, then yes, I could be pregnant, but the chances are slim since apparently we aren't meant to have more than one child."
I then answer, "Yes, there is a chance I am pregnant, but I know I am not."
"We need to do a blood test to make sure."


There is always that little piece of me that wishes my doctor would say "Congratulations, you are pregnant!" but it doesn't happen.  Yes, my husband still holds onto the hope that I will have another child, but he also knows the chances are slim.  I have stopped telling him when I take a pregnancy test.

So, that is the reason why I only have one.  And to those that wonder when I am having another one, this post is also your answer.  By the way, M tells me that if I get pregnant, it needs to be a boy.  His father thinks it would need to be a girl.  I don't know how I would react at first, but I know I would love that little baby when it was born.  And I wouldn't find out what I was having until birth.

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